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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 13, 2009 9:24:27 GMT 1
"I am sorry you saw me in that negative light, Will. It is not the best situation, any of this, and we have all had to make the best of it. I felt as though that is what I was doing then."
Stopping, Robin thought for a moment before saying what he needed Will to hear, even though he did not particularly want to share so much/
"Whether or not you are willing to believe it, Will, my reasons for leaving had, in large part, very much to do with you, all of you. My Father had died, and this responsibility was left to me, this huge responsibility. I will admit it, I was scared. Terrified that I was not a good enough person to handle it. I went to war seeking to make something of myself, to prove myself, I suppose. What can I say? I was young, reckless, misguided. I thought I would find glory and yet I found nothing remotely like that. As for leaving Marian, believe me, she and I have spoken of that, for it is something always between us."
Robin nodded at Will's words. "Marian and I will speak of this, Will. For whether or not she decides to stay here with me, with us, is entirely her decision. You know she would not listen if I tried to tell her to do something anyway. If you wish to, then for now I will let this go, but think on what I have said, Will."
Robin stood, offering his hand to Will for him to stand, a silent offering of apology, but also friendship.
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 13, 2009 16:19:06 GMT 1
It was all a lot for both of them to take in, Will knew, and he had no way to know how Marian would take it when she heard. "There was no other light for me to look at it at the time, Robin. You were the one available to blame, and you didn't do much that would have dissuaded me either. And as for Marian, I think you would agree that she is a difficult one not to fall for," he smiled at last.
"We knew that Robin, or at least had figured out that that had a lot to do with your leaving. You were not meant to have so many responsibilities so quickly. You lost a large part of your childhood, as we did as well. You felt you had something to prove, where at least to most of us, you had nothing to prove. Besides, war is not the place where such things are proven. Any man can kill, and some with excellent proficiency. Most men are more damaged by war than not. Unless you are defending yourself war gains you very little."
Will gladly took his hand and stood, glad and grateful that Robin had sought him out. "While it is true that once I had hate in my heart for you Robin that has passed away. However, I could feel those feelings bubbling up, and that told me that I must go before a said or did something that I would regret. It is not my decision to make whether you let it go or not. You are our leader, and due to her closeness to you, we know that she, in many ways, will lead us as well. It is for you to decide the best way I can serve, if any," he said as they began to walk.
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 1:14:26 GMT 1
Robin could not help but grin in agreement at Will's words about Marian. "On that, my friend, we agree."
Contemplating Will's words about his leaving, Robin decided that in some ways he agreed, but not entirely. "It changes you Will, but I do not think it is always damage that is done. Not completely. In many ways what I found there were good lessons. It is true, as you no doubt know, I can kill. I can take a life so easily, Will. It is something I have always excelled at above all else. Now...I can not imagine it. Some men become blood thirsty for killing at war. I became sickened by it."
Shrugging, Robin turned his tone light again. "What can I say? I was young and foolish. Though I suppose only the 'young' part of that has changed."
"I lead, yes...but I do value your input Will, you must know this. Marian...Marian said perhaps you might appreciate me telling you all more of what I am thinking, my...plans? Half plans? Foolish ideas?"
He stopped walking to look at Will. "Is she right? Do you all feel I do not confide in you enough?"
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 14, 2009 2:50:37 GMT 1
Will smiled and said, "No .... that is not debatable in the least about Marian .... just never tell her I said anything like that .... agreed? .... she'd never let me forget it."
Will listened to Robin and nodded his head in at least partial agreement. "I have heard that it affects different men in different ways in different degrees. It would be a hard thing to convince me, though, that the good outweighs the bad. I would say that you are one of the people I have seen who have been outwardly affected the least. However, I know there must be things that haunt you still, that people like me can't even hope to understand."
It was amazing how fast Robin could look at things in a humorous way, especially himself. "Robin, I think its more likely to slightly older and slightly less foolish. You put up with us, do you not. You were always good at getting others to participate. The thing that has changed Robin is .... although you do like jokes or a funny story .... you don't let anyone get too close. Its as if your afraid of becoming too bonded and losing that person. I think that's a negative thing you brought back from the Crusades."
"Yes .... she's right .... of course she's right .... exactly when have you known her to be wrong. You want to shoulder all of the responsibility. You say you you want input ... and if its something mechanical you do take input from me .... but not otherwise generally. We'll give you ideas, but you've already made up your mind. Now its true that once a decision has been made we have to follow through, but Robin you have to let us in from time-to-time, ya know? We know you feel responsible for us .... all of us .... but we can share in some of the burden .... we do care about you. We want to help you if you'll let us," he said with a slight smile.
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 3:11:58 GMT 1
Grinning, Robin nodded. "Our little secret, Will. Believe me, I know all too well how Marian can hold things over our heads forever."
At the talk of things still haunting him, Robin could not help but look uncomfortable, unable to look Will in the eye any longer. Will was nothing if not perceptive, and his intelligence was something Robin would never question. Yet now he spoke of things far too close to home. It was true, of course. Robin did not like thinking about any of it.
Also true was Will's statement about Robin not letting people close to him. It was, he supposed, in some ways why he was so often abrupt and rude, lashing out with his words. Marian and Much were the only ones he had dared let close, and even then, he did not tell them everything.
"Yes, I suppose one might ask when is Marian ever wrong? It is a painful truth, she is ever so good at being right. Lucky for her, it's a quality we rather admire, really."
Robin, unsurprisingly, chose not to respond to Will's talk of letting them in, and letting them help.
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 14, 2009 3:50:03 GMT 1
It seemed strange to Will. Marian was really the core of the problems that he had always had with Robin. And here they probably agreed about her more than anything.
It was easy for Will to sense that hey had moved into ground that Robin didn't really care for. He moved from a joking attitude where his laughing eyes met Will's to one in which he couldnot look into Will's eyes. "I understand that you did things and experienced things in the Holy Land that only people like Much and Carter could understand. I know that the most comparable thing to them would be a nightmare. My purpose is not to force you to relive them, so I promise never to bring up the subject again unless the welfare of the gang or Marian depends on it .... And I do tend to keep my promises .... mostly."
It was good that Robin recognized the possibility that he kept people too far away and didn't include them in his decision-making. However, from Robin's lack of words on the subject, Will knew that Robin wasn't likely to change much. "Oh Robin, there is very little about Marian that is not admirable."
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 3:59:40 GMT 1
Funnily enough, Robin's thoughts mirrored Will's. Here they were, agreeing almost completely about something, someone, who could very well be the cause of much trouble between them.
"Will, I...I have said as much to Marian, but I need you to know. I do not keep these things from you, from any of you as a way of keeping you out of my thoughts. Rather I spare you. Even Much, well, he wishes me to talk of it. It's true, Much would have us talk ourselves hoarse about anything and everything. It is simply not my way."
Looking back at Will, with some considerable effort, Robin continued. "Marian said as much to me earlier, that she understands. I admit that my first reaction to those words is to become defensive, even angry. I do not want to think anyone understands because it is not something anyone should understand, Will."
Robin grinned. "You are right. It is hard to find fault in Marian. Even her righteous anger is perfect."
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 14, 2009 4:44:33 GMT 1
Robin was saying the right words, but Will didn't think he quite believed them. "That is not a proper reason, Robin. We're all big boys and girls. If the real reason is that you would rather not re-live them, that's fine. We can accept that. And yes .... we all know about Much, but here we are talking about you. You lost your father at a young age, and your mother was already gone."
"A lot of responsibilities were laid on you that you yourself were not sure that you were ready for. A lot of what should have been your childhood was lost right there. You never wanted to disappoint your father, but you weren't really sure if you could love or be close to anyone again .... not even Marian I expect. I also expect that that was where the childlike quality in your adult years comes from. I know its not your way, and we can accept that. Just be truthful with us .... that's all that I ask."
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 5:12:03 GMT 1
Robin stopped walking, abruptly, at Will's words. He could feel the anger burning deep inside him, fighting the urge to grab Will by his shirt and tell him exactly what he could do with such words. How dare Will make such judgements, act as if he understood such things? Instead, he clenched his fists, and spoke in a quiet, even voice.
"You presume much. You also speak of things that are not your business. What do you know of my feelings for Marian? It would do you well, Will, to avoid speaking of such things again. The subject of my parents, of my childhood, is not one I would hear raised again. You know nothing of it."
Unable to say more, knowing his temper would get the better of him, Robin looked away from Will.
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 14, 2009 12:41:46 GMT 1
Will suddenly felt their friendly, if not actually amiable, conversation had suddenly moved into hostile ground. Will quickly considered if he had crossed a line that he shouldn't have. No, he grimly decided. Robin was Marian's man, but he did not own all memories of her or thoughts of her. Robin was 5 years Will's senior, but they had lived basically the same childhood together. Robin didn't own that either. However, he didn't want to provoke Robin unnecessarily, given the progress they had made earlier, but Will had the feeling that they had reached an impasse.
After Robin's sudden outburst, Will came to an abrupt, but only a momentary halt, looking levelly into Robin's now angry eyes, just as Robin looked away. ""I ....... Beg your pardon, my Lord. I have apparently spoken out of turn, even though you have no ownership of memories or thoughts of Marian, or on a childhood that we shared. It is your right, I suppose to decide what is permitted and what is not. I shall never speak of her or such sensitive issues in your presence again."
Will turned away, and continued walking, although at a slow pace. "I think, all things considered, that it would be best if I went on to Locksley. From there I'll decide if I should go to Scarsborough for awhile. It might be a good thing to visit Luke for a time, and our family there I have not seen in many years. Perhaps it is time to visit them for a bit, and get reacquainted." Will continued to walk straight ahead, not really wishing to look on Robin as he talked.
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 13:22:30 GMT 1
Unable to move, Robin stared after Will at his words, his anger growing.
"How dare you! How dare you pretend as if you know anything of my childhood. You were nothing but a spectator! Now you take the moral high ground, after acting as if you know and understand me? And you walk away."
Scoffing, Robin crossed his arms. "Of course you walk away. That is all anyone is good at, it seems."
Will's words, all of them, had struck a nerve, and Robin could only see red.
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 14, 2009 14:15:56 GMT 1
"How dare you! How dare you pretend as if you know anything of my childhood. You were nothing but a spectator! Now you take the moral high ground, after acting as if you know and understand me? And you walk away .... Of course you walk away. That is all anyone is good at, it seems."
Now apparently the gloves had come completely off. One of the things that Will had always prided himself on was his reserve, his control, but that had all now been blown away. Whether Will had really insulted Robin or not, he had given Will the highest form of insult possible .... from a friend anyway. If Will's eyes could shoot fire and throw daggers, simultaneously, that's what his were doing.
"So here we have it now, eh mister high mighty, lord and master. You think you were living in your own bubble up there in the manor, that nobody knew what was going on, that nobody knew what you were going through. Did you not think or know that your servants talk to people in the village, or that it wasn't written all over your face every day that we saw you. How we were told by our parents to talk and behave around the poor young master?"
"And here you dare talk about me walking away, or anybody walking away, when you walked away from us in our hour of need! Before there was even a gang who stood up for you when it was questioned about whether we should try and get you out of the castle, or when me and Allan came back and fought for you and the gang at the Cave in the trap that the Sheriff had set for you. Yes, whenever you needed help I was always the one who cut and run wasn't I."
"Why couldn't you have just let us all hang? It would have put us out of our misery. You could have been a great noble, protecting his people from the inside and working against the powers that be from the inside. Hey, Much would have had his lands at Bonchurch. Everybody would have had what they wanted and deserved. Don't you wish you could have a do-over Robin? Well, don't worry I'll remove the freaking thorn in your side for you," he said as he stalked off toward Locksley.
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 14:27:50 GMT 1
If any of his faults could be considered to be worse than the others, ir would be Robin's inability to hold his tongue, to think of what he was saying when he was hurting, or angry. He did not enjoy feeling as though things were out of his control.
"High and mighty?!" Robin called out to Will's retreating back. "If I am high and mighty what does that make you, Will?!" His meaning was clear.
Teeth clenched, Robin could only fume over what Will was still saying. He was supposed to let Will suggest they had all understood what had happened to him? None of them had lost what he had lost, at such an age.
Still...Robin knew now that nothing he said would make Will see his point of view. Letting out a long breath, he felt the fight go out of him. He could not deal with this, he did not want to. Let Will leave if he wanted. It was clear Robin could no more stop him than stop people from judging him for things beyond his control.
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Post by Will Scarlett on Jul 14, 2009 14:46:28 GMT 1
Will should have known how Robin was when he got into this state. Robin's anger would reach a peak and then it would spend itself. All he had to do was hold his tongue and wait for the apology that was sure to come. He simply didn't have the patience or the Will or the desire.
Will stopped and turned to face him. "What does it make me? It makes me low and powerless, as well as unneeded and unnecessary. You'll be better off without me Robin. Trust me on this and Good Luck .... you should have let me kill the Sheriff when I had the chance," he laughed darkly.
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Post by Robin Hood on Jul 14, 2009 14:52:44 GMT 1
Robin's smirk at Will's words was not at all the lighthearted expression he usually wore. "I should have let all of Nottingham fall, Will? Is that what you are saying? You know me so well, apparently."
Practically throwing his bow to the ground in frustration, Robin looked at Will questioningly. "Why are you doing this, Will? Why bring all of this up now? Why not before, if you have always secretly hated me so?"
Robin threw his hands into the air, an expression of resignation on his face. "I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you wanted? I'm sorry I left all of you at Locksley to such a god forsaken fate."
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